Parents Don't Approve

Thanks so much for emailing in. When you find a person you care about and want to have a relationship with, it is most teen's hope that their parents will approve of the relationship. Many things can come into play when parents are involved. Does this boy treat our daughter right? Is he a good kid? Does he have future plans? Is he of the same religion? Do we know his family? What is his ethnicity? Is he an appropriate age for our daughter? Does he engage with us? Will he be able to financially support our daughter?

The topic might be a scary one for you, and we certainly do not know if this is all based on the difference in ethnicity or not. It is a conversation you need to have though. Why? If the two of you plan to be together no matter what, you need to know what this means for your own relationship with your parents. Some parents learn to love the other person. Some just simply "put up" with it. Some may never approve and the repercussions can be more severe like they will not attend or support a wedding or they will no longer financially support you.

If this is the case you'll need to do some soul searching and weigh out what your options are. This absolutely has to hurt your heart. You are not alone as many teens see that their parents have a vision in their own minds of what they hope for in your future. Often times they have very strong feelings when it comes to religion, politics, race, and ethnicity. In a perfect world, everyone would see the equality and accept others for who they are. See where they stand. Instead of entering a debate or arguing with them, let them know how you feel about this guy and how you feel about their stance on the relationship. "I feel sad, I want to find a way to get along". "Please help me to understand the situation, is there something more than my boyfriend's ethnicity that is standing in the way of your approval?".

Laura, Crisis Counselor