My Parents Are Getting Divorced

Thank you for contacting Your Life Your Voice.  You and your parents are going through a difficult time, and it is normal to feel a variety of feelings including anger, fear, confusion, sadness, stress, shame, and guilt.  It is important for you to understand that these feelings are normal, but it is also important to do a reality check to make sure that the feelings that you are having are legitimate.  It is critical that you do not let these feelings overwhelm you, and to find outlets for dealing with these feelings. 

Unfortunately you cannot control what is going on with your parents, so there is an element of powerlessness that you may be feeling.  The power you do have, is your response to the situation.  It is very important to take care of your physical and mental health.  It is imperative to continue talking and finding ways, even new ways to express your feelings.  Physical exercise, art, music, dance, or any other hobbies are good.   Be sure to eat regular and healthy meals, exercise often, and get plenty of rest.  You can also talk with other family members, your school counselor, or other trusted adults about how you are feeling.  It is important that you have a support system in place to help you during this difficult time.  

Although it may be difficult, try to refrain from taking sides.  It is very stressful when parents try to put the kids in the middle of their relationship, and it is also unfair to you.  Try to establish clear boundaries with each parent that unless there is a major health/safety issue, you will not discuss what goes on when you are with the other parent, aside from providing basic information about your visit.  What you want to avoid is being the middle person if the relationship is getting negative. 

Attached are two links that you also may find helpful about coping with divorce: 

Coping with Parents Divorce

Divorce

If you would like to talk more about this issue you can call the Boys Town National Hotline at 1-800-448-3000.  Crisis counselors are available 24/7.  Take care and please let us know how you are doing.  We are here for you. 

Nancy, counselor