800-448-3000My Father Is An Alcoholic
Question
My father is an alcoholic. He's been one for a long time now. The past year has been very rough on my family. He has lost his job, which has caused him to drink excessively and isolate himself. He stays home and drink all day. He gets really mean, not physically, but he has horrible fights with my mam, which completely wrecks me inside. My mam cries all the time because she's worried about him, and now I've been crying a lot lately too. I think I going into depression. It's been bottled up inside me for awhile, because none of my friends can really relate to what I'm dealing with. :'(
Counselor response
You have a lot going on at home. You are in a tough position. Your dad is an alcoholic and his behavior is causing chaos in your home. It also has to be tough because your father's priority is his drinking instead of his family. Alcoholism is a disease and it doesn't just impact the alcoholic, but the entire family.
While it might help to understand why he can't be your dad and a husband to your mother, it doesn't lessen the pain and anger. If you dad isn't in a place where he can seek treatment, it would certainly be helpful for you and your mom to see a counselor. A counselor can help you understand the disease process, and can also help you work through your feelings about your father's addiction. A therapist can also help your mom to understand that when she fights with your dad she is dealing with someone who is not in control of his thoughts or emotions.
You don’t have any control over your father’s behavior. However, you do have control over you. The best thing that you can do is to take care of yourself. When the situation becomes overwhelming at home, you might want to reach out to supportive people who can help you. This could be a family member, a teacher, a coach, a religious leader, or another trusted adult.
In addition, it is also critical that you engage in healthy coping skills to help you deal with your father’s drinking and his corresponding behavior. Some people journal their feelings, listen to music, socialize with friends, or engage in a hobby or project in an attempt to cope. Attached is a link of 99 Coping Skills that you may find helpful 99 Coping Skills. You need a healthy outlet so that you do not keep your feelings bottled up inside.
We want you to know that we are here for you. Crisis counselors are available, 24/7, at 1-800-448-3000.
Please take care and let us know how you are doing.
Nancy, counselor