800-448-3000Jealous Of My Friend
Question
I've recently noticed that after every time I hang out with my best friend I have a breakdown or start crying and I don't know why. I used to feel jealous about all her other friends and her boyfriend she hangs out with because I would see or hear the things they did that I never got to do. I was isolated and it made me feel really alone and hurt. It was never her fault and she's never been anything but supportive but I still compared myself to her. Now I try really hard not to compare us or be jealous. I saw her the other day and was happy for her but it's almost like I subconsciously associate in my head seeing her with feeling terrible about myself even if I enjoy it when we hang out. Afterwards I feel lonely and worthless. I really want to spend time with her because she cares about me but I don't know how to make this stop.
Counselor response
Thank you for reaching out. It sounds like you are feeling conflicted about seeing your friend right now because of the way you feel after spending time together. You have done a great job of trying to address those comparisons you were making to your friend. It can be very hard some times not to compare to others, so great job of putting that effort in to address that.
It seems that even though you have done a great job of trying to not compare yourself to your friend that you are still struggling with these feelings. One thing that you could try is sitting down with her and telling her how you are feeling. Like you mentioned she has been nothing but supportive to you and hopefully this will be no different! Here is also a link to a page on or website on friendships, Friendship (yourlifeyourvoice.org), specifically you may want to check out the tab on communication to help you further the conversation with your friend if you do decide to talk to them about how you are feeling.
Hope this helps,
KJ Crisis counselor