I Don't Talk To My Brother

I don't talk to my brother anymore and he doesn't talk to me. Unless during family gatherings when we pretend as if everything's fine in front of our relatives. Most of the time we act as if the other just doesn't exist anymore. I've never been okay with that but I'm afraid of him and I'm afraid that if we ever start talking again, we'll only end up fighting. My brother is 18, a year older than me. We used to be pretty close as kids but we drifted apart as we grew up. He became verbally and physically abusive to me to the point that when he would just walk towards me and I would flinch and cry. I never told anyone. So at present, everyone pretty much thinks I'm overacting when they notice I never really liked hanging out or even talking to him. I still love him though. Although I'm sure he wouldn't be so physically abusive to me now that we're old enough to know what's right and wrong, I'm still afraid of him. I think that's one thing "love" can never cure. I want us to be okay. Sometimes I'd look at him and see a glimmer of hope that maybe someday we can fix what was broken. But I don't know, maybe I can only hope.