800-448-3000Do I Really Matter?
Question
Do I really matter? Do people actually care? Am I actually making people smile or are they faking? Do I really have any friends? Does anyone care about me? Do I actually have someone I can go to? ...or am I just a waste of space? Am I just a waste of air? Am I actually good for anything? Do my friends care about me? Does my family care about me? Am I good for something or just a person somebody would toss aside at the sights of a better friend? I took a few tests online and every single one of them had said I was severely depressed or I had Severe Depression. Should I go to therapy? My grandma says I should go to therapy but my mom won't take me. I don't know if I actually have Severe Depression. It doesn't matter. Nobody cares about me anyway. I can't focus on my school work. I have trouble paying attention. I get tired easy. I always say negative things about myself even if I'm trying to keep myself from crying. I want to die. I want to kill myself. But my friends are trying to stop me. Why? Do I really matter that much?
Counselor response
You absolutely DO matter. You matter because you are you. You are the only one who can fulfill the things that are planned for your life. You play a special role in the lives of those around you. It sounds like your grandma and your friends are concerned about you and want you to get the help that you deserve.
From what you have written, we can tell that your mind is racing with a lot of questions. When you are struggling emotionally this can happen so you need to learn to calm those thoughts so they do not runaway with you. We have a couple of things that we would like you start working on right away. We know that these suggestions could take some practice and may not feel natural right away but you can do this, you can feel better.
The state in life that you are at right now is one of searching and discovering. While you are searching for the meaning of life, consider also learning to appreciate your unique gifts and talents and how you can use them to make the world a better place.
Keep talking to your grandma about how you are feeling. It sounds like she takes you seriously and wants to help. If you and your grandma feel that it is time to talk to a doctor or a mental health professional, ask your grandma if she will help you talk to your mom to make this happen.
If at any time you are not safe, be sure to tell your grandma or another trusted adult right away.
Be safe and let us know if you would like to talk. We will be here for you.
Sara, counselor