Disappointing My Parents

Thank you for reaching out for help today. You were very brave and smart to reach out for help when you are struggling with the thoughts that you are; most college students your age refuse to reach out for help, even though reaching out is one of the best ways to get help with difficult situations like this. At 20-years-old, it is very normal to feel like you are disappointing your parents.

College is a particular time when disappointment can run quite high; in college, you make mistakes, are learning and growing, and finding your path in this world. With that in mind, disappointment isn’t always a bad thing. The pain of disappoint is usually a sign that you are learning and growing from a mistake that you made; just from what you have told us, it sounds like you have already started learning that you are doing somethings that you regret. Another important thing with disappointment is that we start to recognize ways that we can make changes in the future; for example, you cannot change the mistakes that you already made, but you can see how you would act differently in the future.

In addition to feeling like you are disappointing your dad, we want you to recognize that parents are quite resilient people. A lot of the time, parents have a deep, unbinding love for their children; this means that despite the mistakes that you make, your parents are still going to love you and want to be there for you. Of course, they might be angry and disappointed, but that doesn’t stop them from loving you.  If you are still worried that you dad is disappointed in you, you can talk to him about it. Ask him upfront if he is disappointed by you; let him tell you what he is thinking and feeling and just soak it in. It might be hard to hear what he has to say but often his advice hints at ways that you can make improvements in the future.

If you are wanting to additionally start addressing the disappointment that you are feeling, you can start increasing your independence and autonomy when it comes to righting wrongs. We recognize that dad has helped you with mistakes a lot in the past, but sometimes figuring out, on our own, how to remedy a situation is the best learning experience we can give ourselves; also, showing your dad that you can handle things on your own may decrease some disappointment. For example, you fail an exam in a class and are now in academic trouble with the professor. Instead of calling your dad and asking for his help, you reach out to your professor on your own and address what you can do to improve your grade. After you have addressed the issue with your professor, you can tell your dad, “Hey, I was having an issue in class, but I want you to know that I have it under control and am going to do better.”

Hopefully some of this will be helpful for you. If you need any more advice or support, don’t hesitate to reach out to us again. Good luck and take care!

PC - Counselor